Thai and Isaan Language

If you would like to hear some samples of the Thai language, Click here.

For a more humorous look at the language, keep reading...

Thai is a tonal language and by simply using one tone instead of another the meaning of a word is radically changed. While any farang (foreigner) can (and does) make hundreds of possible mistakes with the Thai language (daily), it takes missionaries, those dedicated servants of God who take a minimum of one sometimes two years in language school, to come up with the following classics:

1. Being honest the missionary will early on want to get a Thai driver's license. One of the first requirements is a doctor's physical. One slight vowel variation changes this document from a bay raprong phaat to a bay raprong phet which roughly translates into a certificate of having sex - something normally not required for the driver's license exam.
   
   
2. Speaking of doctors brings to mind the old "doctor" (maaw) and "dog" (maa) blooper. Entirely different vowel sounds but both require the rising tone. Thai physicians, who are generally looked upon as one step slightly below the Almighty, don't appreciate being referred to as the lowest known life form in their country - even by missionaries. Not helpful when applying for driver's license.
   
   
3. Thai people thrive on repeating bloopers whenever possible. Frequently heard is the use of the English word "dog" for anyone highly educated. This is because Thai hear both this and the abbreviation for doctor ("doc") as one and the same. And since many missionaries come to Thailand highly "doctored", Dog Docs are frequently met in Christian circles - both in English and in Thai.
   
   
4. Praying in public brings plenty of challenges for the missionary in Thailand. Adding one syllable to the word pert (to open) changes it to rapert (explode) as in this statement made by the nervous missionary in front of a large group of serious Thai Christians, "Let us now explode this meeting with prayer". Actually not a bad idea for several gatherings we've seen here.
   
   
5. One missionary insists on a particular Isaan village being called Nong Dong (both rhyming with "long") when the actual name is Nong Dohng (long "o" as in "go") changing the name from Forest Pond village to Pickle Pond village. Thai people are too polite to correct him having heard him say it incorrectly so many times now. Some are starting to think there actually might be such a place.
   
   
6. In Thailand, some Christians (both Thai and missionaries) still use nomenclature from an older form of the Thai Bible which lists Jesus mother's name as "Maria". When mispronounced with a rising tone on the first syllable the virgin's name becomes "Dog Licks" with unfortunate results for both mother and child.
   
   
7. Not all bloopers can be claimed by individuals. Some come from hard-working committees. This one comes from a group of missionaries working with actual Thai native speakers (all of them Docs). A recent modern Thai translation of the Old Testament changes the son of Abraham's name from the former "Is-sa-ak" to "Is-sa-haak". This new last syllable is the Thai verb "to vomit".
   
   
8. Countless are the times the second gospel (Ma-ra-go) has been referred to by missionaries as a popular Thai fruit (Ma-la-gaw) as in "Let us now turn together to the book of Papaya".
   
   
9. For those missionaries (or anyone else) who ever plan to go into animal husbandry in northeast Thailand beware of misusing rice bran. This common ingredient in animal feed hum (mid tone in the northeast dialect) packs a powerful punch. When mispronounced with a rising tone it means testicles. This can raise questions in meetings when you insist on buying the softest, newest and purest hum (rising tone) available on the market.
   
   
10. Feet are the lowest, dirtiest, most despicable part of the body to Thai people. So what is the missionary saying from John 15 when the True Vine (mid tone) becomes the True Foot (high tone)? And the branches? Abiding? Whoa.
    
    
11. And beware of giving the wrong message when announcing or congratulating people in church (or anywhere) on their new engagement (falling tone). Use a rising tone and you've just celebrated their recent (though unbeknownst to the happy couple) sterilization.
    
    
    
12. Final awards to this all time missionary favorite. The word for cross (gang-khen) has a rising tone in the second syllable. Pants (as in trousers) is slightly different (gang-geng) and mid tone. So the missionary concludes his sermon by announcing boldly, "The good news is this: Jesus was crucified on the pants for you."